I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
