I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
