I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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