I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
