he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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