Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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