never play flip cup with pint glasses
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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