OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
