every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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