I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
