meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
