Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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