Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
