all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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