naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
