I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
