he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
