mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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