i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
