Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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