We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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