I'm drive I can fine osifer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
