Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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