the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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