also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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