You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just puked most of my soul out..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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