It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
