It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
