I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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