so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
