dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
