I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
