All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
