I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
