SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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