I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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