this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
