Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
