my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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