Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
