Porn is love you can see.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
