I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
