"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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