dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
