Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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