This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
