I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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