If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
