My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
