Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
